Cutter John (old_cutter_john) wrote in anglesofds,
Cutter John
old_cutter_john
anglesofds

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The eye-contact thing

One element of Asperger's syndrome is that we can't use eye contact to modulate ordinary social interaction. It feels too intimate, too intense. In my own experience, what that means isn't that I can't use eye contact at all; it means I can't use it moderately. Before I got into D/s play, my wife and I were heavily into swinging. We'd go to orgies at the larger clubs about once a week for four years, and during that time I must have fucked about eight hundred women. I maintained intense eye contact with each of them the whole time. From my observations of other couples and from my partners' responses, I'd say that that level of eye contact was unusual. I'd also say that my partners enjoyed it. I know I did.

We had to give up swinging because of the sexually transmitted diseases, but I liked getting close to women, and I have a craving, rooted in my distant past, for constant affirmation of my gentleness and trustworthiness. D/s play seemed the ideal accommodation, so I took up the hobby of tying and teasing women.

The same holds true of my use of eye contact now as in my swinging days. I look into my partners, intensely and relentlessly. It's so intense that many of them reach orgasm from that alone, though obviously there's some self-selection at work. I enjoy it, and it doesn't make me the least bit uncomfortable. But still, I can't use eye contact casually in social interaction the way a neurotypical would.

I wonder, as anyone might, about the experiences of other Aspies and their partners. What's it like for you?
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