Squeak (raven_lefae) wrote in anglesofds,

I have noticed a strange occurrence. Ever since I had posted that Masterman is an Aspie some people that I had friended and vice versa seemed to have been slowly pulling away from conversing with me as much. Perhaps the post in a_ranting_dom really did have more repercussions then I had originally thought possible. Though I do admit I find it odd. I know many who are in a D/s relationship or any form of BDSM interaction who are disabled, or have some form of, well i hate to say disability but I can not think of another phrasing for the life of me. I know a couple who one has bi-polar, another manic depressive, another with fibro, another Aspie, or both Aspie, and the list goes no. To me, just because any one or even a combination of these are present does not mean any form can not be nor enjoy a form of BDSM or its many spectrum's. If there really is no "ONE TRUE WAY" then how can a person not engage in it at all? If life is about evolving then how can a person not have a relationship like this. So they have to go about it from a different angle then most. That does not make it wrong or make it work any less.

One example is that Masterman enjoys having a routine from when he comes home from work. A bit of structure then helps ease him from the stresses of his job in to relaxing while at home. I don't see anything wrong with this. In fact I know many that either do the very same thing or don't realize they do this also. How many times have you heard a person say; "I perform such and such a ritual because my Dominate wishes it or what have you." From kneeling at the door as they walk in, to having coffee ready or served from an open palm and not being able to leave that position until dismissed. I would think that is a wonderful aspect that an Aspie would blend with very well.

In a scene I have heard it said that a good Dominate will often check in with their sub and ask how they are doing. Not solely relying on the sub to use a safe word but also taking responsibility for the subs well being and physical safety. Masterman does this with me constantly. I do not even need to be bound in any fashion for him to ask. He does rely on me to be honest with him in answering this. Some people have mentioned that Aspie have difficulties understanding the nuances in exchanges of conversations. This in no way means they are not able to have in depth thought provoking conversations or debates. Quite the opposite. My conversations with Masterman have been entirely intelligent and have left me with a true sense of knowledge gained. Just because he may not get the hint or assume correctly in a situation in no way means he is compromised nor that my safety is compromised. I hate to break it to some people but I am not about to leave any form of an assumption or hope him to pick up on any form of a hint during a scene. If I need out or feel uncomfortable with anything then by golly I am going to say just that. Yes some might say I am being a wimp or can't handle this or that. But if I feel a cramp in my foot from standing and it is effecting the scene or my ability to stand then I will say, "Master my foot is cramping and it is throwing me off balance." A well angled paddle could still miss if my foot cramp causes me to shift my weight. Another example is, Masterman has attended many classes or presentations on many types of BDSM activities. He is knowledgeable with the signs of stress or shock. If I hit a point where I am in subspace and unable to reply to him or speak then it is a good bet that things are in an iffy area. He has no problem stopping, checking pupil dilation, breathing, heart rate and so on.

Many are heavy players and like to see how far they can go or take a sub. Masterman is not and I am not either. This is not a show for anyone else, there is nothing to prove. Though I do know many that believe the lifestyle is their life, for us it is an enhancement to our relationship. It is not the end all be all. Yes I am expected to behave in a certain manner with respect and so on but our relationship comes FIRST and the kink or power exchange is an added bonus. I have all the faith in the world that if either of us felt our lives could not handle the P.E of our relationship then the other would gladly drop it until such a time as we are able to integrate it once more in our relationship. I am naturally submissive in any relationship and I feel even a vanilla one has dynamics of D/s on some levels. If one partner has a more profitable job then the other takes up the slack to make sure that one comes first. If one has more over time then the other will do more of the household upkeep.

To me our relationship actually is a lot more simplistic because of his Asperger's. Our communication is more open, honest, and forthright. Like when I had asked him for rules. He heard micro-management. I really had to search myself for what it was I was trying to express. It was structure and desires. I wanted him to explain his expectations and to give me structure and subsequently safety in that structure. If I knew his expectations of me and had structure in performing certain tasks or responding to certain situations I would always know this is what he wants or would approve of. I would not feel hesitant and thus stumble about blindly praying I was doing this right or that right. The fear that I would disappoint him would not cause me to stumble or hesitate. We have that now. I am learning that I hindered our communication by way of not speaking plainly more then he did. How fair is it of someone to respond by saying "fine!" and assuming the other would know that is exactly opposite of how they felt? *snorts* That is the single most ridiculous assumption I have ever known. If you are upset then say it but some sort of passive aggressive behavior simply is not productive and in my opinion much more damaging then out right throwing objects at a person.
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