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the many angles of a D/s relationship and Asperger's Journal
 
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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in the many angles of a D/s relationship and Asperger's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
1:26 pm
[imaginemore]
What's the connection
I joined this group because I've only recently started to understand how to meet my husbands submissive needs.  I don't see myself as naturally Dom, but enjoy the thought of being a switch. 

Hubby has Asperger's and I always thought that the AS and the sub thing were related.  So the title of the group entices me.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of traffic on this list, so I'm wondering...is anyone still out there? 
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
2:29 am
[rarkrarkrark]
Request for articles
A friend of mine emailed me today to see if I'd be willing to write up something on being a Dom/me with an autistic spectrum submissive: how to deal with issues that don't come up with NT submissives, or that do but are very different when dealing with folks on the spectrum. He's putting together a webpage for Dominants with submissives who are Psychologically and/or Neurologically different.

I can't do this for him right now, for various reasons. However, I'm passing his request on (with his permission) here because I know that there are people who can write from experience here.

The page-under-construction with his request for articles is: http://baphomet.tearmainn.com/brokentoys.html. It says "essays", but if you have a different format such as a list of tips that would be good too.
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
7:51 am
[empousa]
Asperger's and submission
I am addressing in the first place to Rajih since her posts made me think along these lines but then to anyone who takes the submissive role.

Let me say that tests which are used to diagnose Asperger’s syndrome I place within the normal range but approaching very near to the limit of the diagnosis. A few years ago I had a lover who was pretty far over the edge. She was by far the sweetest and gentlest person I ever knew, and pretty nearly the cleverest. She had studied Latin & Greek only in high school but could read them better than me and I have a Ph/D in Classics. But she was odd enough that despite MAs in mathematics and civic planning, and all the specialized training one would need to work as an actuary, the best job she had ever held was a s a secretary.

We were lovers only for a few weeks, in part because I met husband (as he now is) only 1 day after meeting her), but there were intrinsic problems. I never succeeding in making her come since when I would go down on her she would become excited but as she neared any very high level she would start crying out as if in pain (and I know the difference between that and pleasure) and I would stop and she agreed that I should have because she was just too overwhelmed. Actually there was one last time, when, on moral grounds I knew I had no business to be doing anything with her, when she seemed relaxed enough that I would have succeeded, but I stopped short when I came to my senses. Something I regret now. We nevertheless remained friends for a few years, but she eventually married too, and to a man whom I only saw at her wedding and he made no very favorable impression me, who eventually made much contact between us impossible, doubtless out of jealousy since it was pretty clear to everyone with eyes that she married him for safety (he worked as an engineer) and she was still in love with me, and he has led her ever deeper into Orthodox Judaism.

But what I am really posting about is curiosity about the interface between Asperger’s and masochism.

lengthy text continued hereCollapse )
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
2:04 am
[rajih]
Hmm.
After reading through some of the posts, i feel like i needed to reply separately to the "Trigger words?" thread so that it won't be lost.

Less than two days ago, on Tuesday, my Owner and i were at the local hospital cafe. When we were done eating, we got up and walked to the stairs. my Owner paused, looked around and asked: "Is there an elevator?" Of course, i said "Yes, over there" and began walking up the stairs. my Owner was FURIOUS with me, assuming that i should have asked about WHY Hy needed an elevator. It simply never occured to me that Hy needed one: if Hy did, why didn't Hy say "I need to go up on the elevator, and not use the stairs"... that is something i would have understood.

*sigh* Sorry. It was a bit frustrating for me. Why is it that some NT's just don't get it? i feel horrible for feeling this way at times about my Owner.... but my GOSH REALLY! What part of "i'm actually incapable of understanding that" don't these people get??

i've had a rough night. Sorry again.

rajih
1:36 am
[rajih]
Shocked!
OMGOSH am i surprised and delighted that this community exists!

i'm a 24/7 live in slave. i was also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome less than a year ago. i am hoping that i can contribute as much as i know i'll get out of all of your posts. Thanks for having me! :)

In Hys Service,
rajih

Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
5:34 pm
[xxasimont]
Anyone else use eye contact restrictions?
As a fairly new Dom, whose subs aren't always all that knowledgeable about spectrum issues I've realised that eye contact restrictions have an excellent place in bdsm for me, anyone else found something similar (or the reverse, had a Dom who insisted on eye contact when you couldn't handle it)?
Simon

Current Mood: curious
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
10:12 pm
[elvengeek]
Greetings and a question/suggestion
I joined this community way back- finally thought I'd say hi. I have AS and was curious about about how AS relates to alternative sexuality. I'm bisexual, polyamorous and I'm pretty sexually open-minded- haven't really done BDSM but I'm kinda curious. My ex-BF was into it.

Was wondering- what does the mod and the members think of expanding this community to include polyamory? The reason I'm asking is that they are overlapping groups and face some of the same issues (communication, being misunderstood etc) Also it might be too small to really sustain as seperate communities.
Sunday, August 14th, 2005
5:09 pm
[her_knight]
Intro note
Hi. I'm very glad this community has formed, since I was born with Asperger's Syndrome and am, when there is not too much stress, Dominate.

A bit about me:

Currently in a L/D relationship with my sub with plans to move where she's at after I finish college. Right now, things are on pause because of stress at her end, which triggers her problems, and she is currently thinking I am...childish.

I was wondering, is there any links or any bit of information I can give her to maybe help her understand some of what I am going through when things get back on speaking terms?
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
8:16 am
[polydad]
I'm going to be pleading a parking ticket today. This touches on power exchange, in that nonconsensual power exchange is what the court system is all about, and regretfully not in a fun way.

We have a cop living on the block who has decided that anyone parking in a manner not to her personal liking will have to pay for the privilege. And the word "privilege" means "private law," as we all should know by now.

Who else has problems dealing with arbitrary and corrupt authority? Any tips on how to handle it?
1:08 am
[akura_no_oka]
Yikes!
Ah...hi there...*waves nervously* I've been lurking around these communities for quite some time, and I'm now posting because I'm in DIRE need of advice. I'm a 20-year-old female, and I've had a closet interest in BDSM for several years, but I've never actually taken it out into the real world and made fantasy into reality. Well, that's all about to change. My boyfriend of 2.5 years has just agreed to let me dominate him. I'm excited, but I'm also scared as hell, because I've never played the Domme role in real life before, and I obviously want this to be a good experience so he'll let me do it again. ^_^ So in addition to just looking for tips and do's and don'ts for my first scene, I'm also looking for advice on how to discuss this with him beforehand, because I don't think his expectations of a BDSM experience are the same as mine, and since I'm going to be the one in charge, I don't want to cross any lines and make him feel uncomfortable.

So...general pointers for the nervous, neurotic first time Domme, please? Onegai? ^_^;;;

(Crossposted to new_subs_n_doms and anglesofds)

Current Mood: excited
Sunday, May 1st, 2005
12:15 pm
[old_cutter_john]
The eye-contact thing
One element of Asperger's syndrome is that we can't use eye contact to modulate ordinary social interaction. It feels too intimate, too intense. In my own experience, what that means isn't that I can't use eye contact at all; it means I can't use it moderately. Before I got into D/s play, my wife and I were heavily into swinging. We'd go to orgies at the larger clubs about once a week for four years, and during that time I must have fucked about eight hundred women. I maintained intense eye contact with each of them the whole time. From my observations of other couples and from my partners' responses, I'd say that that level of eye contact was unusual. I'd also say that my partners enjoyed it. I know I did.

We had to give up swinging because of the sexually transmitted diseases, but I liked getting close to women, and I have a craving, rooted in my distant past, for constant affirmation of my gentleness and trustworthiness. D/s play seemed the ideal accommodation, so I took up the hobby of tying and teasing women.

The same holds true of my use of eye contact now as in my swinging days. I look into my partners, intensely and relentlessly. It's so intense that many of them reach orgasm from that alone, though obviously there's some self-selection at work. I enjoy it, and it doesn't make me the least bit uncomfortable. But still, I can't use eye contact casually in social interaction the way a neurotypical would.

I wonder, as anyone might, about the experiences of other Aspies and their partners. What's it like for you?

Current Mood: nostalgic
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
11:14 am
[raven_lefae]
I have noticed a strange occurrence. Ever since I had posted that Masterman is an Aspie some people that I had friended and vice versa seemed to have been slowly pulling away from conversing with me as much. Read more...Collapse )
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
12:18 am
[raven_lefae]
Fascinating posts you may want to peruse
http://www.livejournal.com/community/a_ranting_dom/39240.html
There is a wide spectrum of poinions but it seems I had started quite a mess. I find myself hesitant now about having asked or even started this community.
Friday, April 8th, 2005
12:41 am
[raven_lefae]
Trigger words?
It has been my experience that sometimes communication between Masterman and I is a source of frustration for us both.

I had plagued the poor man with what his expectations, rules, anything in regards to me and our relationship were. One day he arrived home and stated, "where's my coffee?" I had made some the day before because had called ahead telling me when he would be home and asked to have some ready. He had not stated that he would like to have it ready everyday. I was crushed.

I had asked him how he would like me to serve him his coffee. His response, " In a mug" Doh! * smacks forehead*

I began to loose patience as my frustration reached a new plateau. I am ashamed to admit it but heated words actually flew from my mouth at one moment before my mind could comprehend the possible ramifications. In essence my mouth was writing cheques my ass was not willing to cash.

After apologies and explanations I began to find a curious tendency. Sometimes key words somehow seemed to snap his full attention back to the conversation at hand and the reason behind them more then a focus on just the words.

I searched for more information and presented my case once more but this time armed with more understanding of what it was I desired. Structure, Security, routine. Strong words with big meanings. It seemed to have flipped a light switch with him. His mind seems to work on four or five different levels at any given time that gaining his full attention is sometimes a challenge. I don't know if the words were a trigger for him but our communication has improved ten fold. Perhaps it's allin how I present my case. I do know a thesaurus is a precious commodity for me and that communicating is something I need to work on myself as well.
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
6:48 am
[polydad]
Hi, folks --

How many here feel that typical labels -- top, bottom, dom, sub, straight/gay/bi/trans, and such -- don't apply well to them?

Second question; how many here are interested in families of choice, intentional community, and other ways to express and act on intense loyalties to others?

best,

Joel. Not trying to marry the *whole* world any more; just the good bits.
6:04 am
[raven_lefae]
scary accomplishments
embre gets a lot of credit here. In a conversation over I.M. I talked with her about how my relationship with Masterman was sometimes strained in that he and his son have Aspergers Syndrome. How I searched but there were no communities out there offering information or support for those suffering it or for those with loved ones that have it. I then realized that though there are many out there that may have physical disabilities and support but not many for the many spectrums of mental diagnoses that were out there.

So as per her suggestion I did start one. My hope is that I and members can provide support and education/information. I even hope it will cover all the many variations and provide interesting insight for those that do not. Please Welcome anglesofds

But right now it's very late and Masterman is gonna all but roast my hiney if I am not in bed soon. So I hope to update it and start posting tomorrow evening.

So in that spirit I will be posting article links, book suggestions, personal experiences and much more tomorrow evening. Please bare with me as this community experience is a new one for me.
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